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I have to send this email

To the wind and stars

That made up your eyes

And numb heart

It’s nothing personal

It’s not even all about you

Or the “what-ifs”

And “what-might-have-beens”

Very honestly

It’s about me and my misery

To find myself again

After I risk the sanity

Of my defensive heart

It’s time to grow up

And leave the fairy tales

Behind the innocence

Of my childish thoughts

I’m twenty seven

And you’re twenty nine

We’re old enough for games

And the “signing-ins”

To strange relationships

And “lovers-to-friends” thing

I hope you know

And let me know

If we’re meant as friends

And end up friends forever

I thought love knows no face

and inequity from gender issues

but this is the real world

we were meant to live with it

and die in your silence

which you claim to be your nature

after one year and seven months

you still take my breath away

with your cryptic responses

but hurts me when you sign off

for I have to tirelessly wait

for your offline messages

I hope you feel

I hope you understand

That my email contained

My “supposed-to-be” closure

Close enough for you to see

the open door I left

and my hushed adieu

last night

Sincerely weary…pheonix