mobile ramblings

Textmate

There’s nothing to regret

In wasting your 20-all-text-load

For a chance to open your soul

Forget your miseries

And leave the painful memories

Of a tragic life

For a while

If you gain a textmate

Who treated you closely

More than a stranger

But a soulmate for a night

Every night

A stranger leaves his goodnight kiss

And wishes you sweet dreams

With him in a world of

What-if and what-might-have-been

He tightly holds your hands

And look at you in the eyes

With unspoken longings

And wantings beyond words

Though it may be a dream

Still it’s worth dreaming

Every morning

A stranger wakes you up

With sentimental greetings

To live another day of relevance

Teasing your heart

Chasing your thoughts

Holding you back

With his overflowing bits of ardor

Contained in generic SMS messages

He received from other strangers

Yearning to fill the gaps

Of melancholy within their soul

And replaced it with optimism

And undying chance to wait

For something tangible to come

Something real to keep

Something special to stay

Without conditions

Unconditionally sincere

Expressed beyond

Generic SMS messages

And costs more than 20-all-text-load

A textmate breathes life

And experience bliss

In a chance of accepting

What it means to be human

When you learn to love

Your textmate

Friendship and love requires no network signal…phoenix

breath again

Pensive

I couldn’t control my thoughts tonight
They linger somewhere else
Somewhere I don’t want to revisit
Even in my mind’s eye
But this is me struggling to break free
From self-doubt and unspoken miseries
I wish I have no regrets with everything
That I’ve been through all my life
And leave it all away as I move on
But they tend to haunt me
And keep me restless night after night
Every time I hear Tina Arena’s song
“If I didn’t love you”…
The tides of regression started to overcome me
And look back with lonely view of yesterday
Over friends who left me hanging up
In the road of broken possibilities and expectations
I’ve gambled my heart’s sanity
To nurture their broken wings
They say when you let your feelings
For a bestfriend enslave you to love
His imperfections will turn into a beautiful sight
While you’ll be left behind waiting
For nothing but broken promises and dreams
I’ve always been plague by wrong choices
To show my bestfriends how I truly feel
Maybe it is my nature to be enslaved
By the thought that I cannot live
Without being loved in return
But I truly believe that my heart
Is the greatest weapon I have to live
Without blindly seeing the need to share
My passion without expecting any return
I know for sure that there are better days for me
Waiting to come and heal my loneliness
As I strengthen my heart from the bruises
I got from giving up everything in the name
Of selflessly loving my bestfriends
…that for me is no weakness at all
It is my pathway to live my life meaningfully
Even if I haven’t been truly loved
Wherever you are bestfriend
You always have a piece of me
That only you can return to its proper place
And make me whole again…
My pensive my mind tonight
Has spoken sincerely…
Through the longings of my heart
Bye! (for now)
I’ll try to ignore you even if we’re both online tonight…phoenix
Intentions
Sometimes we have beautiful intentions
In everything we wanted to do with life
We wanted to make the world see
The beauty of the heart that lies within
And let the people we care realize something
That we are capable to share life selflessly
But we can’t please everybody or the whole world
About how beautiful those intentions are
Some people’s heart are sometimes trapped
Inside their selfish intentions and need
To fill the holes of their insecurities
By pulling down others and discouragement
But all this time…
I have learned my lesson well
I survived pains and torments
I learned to stand on my own
And walk in my chosen path to live life
The way it should be lived with passion
Their lies and criticisms won’t torn me apart
Or weaken my soul to walk with faith
Deep in my heart
I always believe in my dreams
For dreams are worth fighting for
If we have reasons to dream
For something beautiful
For something larger than life
For something real
And that reality remains to be my greatest passion
I know the truth is out there I can tell
All I have to do is to live without regret
And believe I have nothing without heaven’s bliss
No matter what I just need to go on living
One day
Someday
The world will finally see
How beautiful my intentions can be
In a distant horizon

What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger (I know for sure)…phoenix

two face

side

There’s always two sides of the coin

The first one is a choice to love

Someone who couldn’t sincerely love you back

I tried to give up everything

Just to let him know I am determined

To wait until the moon and stars would fall

He may have loved me in the past

But that was done before I realize

He was changing and started to drift away

Leaving me in doubt and hanging up

For answers I couldn’t tangibly grasp

With my worthless loneliness

Killing me slowly

Breaking me apart

Like a shattered glass

His emails may have been passionate

His offline messages may be sincere

But that was all said and done

In the past

Gone with the wind

When he started to remain silent

To my emotional cry and longings

The second side is a reason to move on

And embrace a coming love from unexpected chance

I tried to runaway over and over again

But my misery tells me to hold on to it

He may be selfless to reach the moon and the stars for me

But I am afraid to open up my heart

Sometimes I realize he may not be the one

That I am waiting and wishing for

In this cold and lonesome life

But I feel he has the capacity to love

Someone like me wholeheartedly

Without expecting return

Or accept my vulnerabilities

He loves the way I fall down

And pick up myself when I’m hopeful

He may be another stranger

Longing to open up his heart

For me

And make me see

The beauty of his capacity

To love unconditionally

For a fool like me

Heaven help me…

Which side of the coin should I choose?

To let my heart finally have its rest

From the restless journey I endured

No more games, I must be free from misery (written the day Peter and his bf came to visit me from the US) …phoenix

Online

It’s my poetic prerogative to be bad tonight…phoenix
Run
Why do I always runaway from the tides of life?
When there’s something we can’t admit
Or something we can’t perfectly fix
I guess I’ve always remained lost
In my long and tiring journey
But yesterday my bestfriend Peter came home
To cherish his incomplete walk of fame
Though some people say he’s a big shame
Open-hearted souls still have faith in his dreams
To change the dilapidated culture of hypocrisy
But above anything else
He used to be my guiding light in my darkest night
To find the pieces of my broken spirit and reveries
He reshaped my capacity to weave powerful poetry
He taught me write immortally with the blood of my heart
Though we traverse separate path
He always look back to pick me up
From the lonely road that I am stuck
Though he claims to be a god of literature
But still he remains to be a humble saint
With his unspoken beautiful intentions
After more than a year
I miss the controversies he used to create
And his way of challenging social hypocrisy
Upon his return
He’s still the same bitchy writer
Who wanted to love the world unconditionally
But he brought someone this time
A boyfriend who adore his beautiful soul
Someone who share the same passion like me
To nurture a rare seed of hope he planted
Through his cryptic yet sensible writings
In the heart of insensitive people around us
I saw the same spark of joy in his boyfriend’s eyes
The day I realize that lasting happiness
Starts when we open our heart to love sincerely
Without expecting return
Though Peter is cloaked in his passion for fame
He has a gentle and giving heart inside
I miss his presence
And his run to catch up with the tides of life
Like we always do to justify our reveries
And beautiful intentions to inspire lonely souls
I know deep inside
We always have the capacity
To love unconditionally
And I hope his boyfriend would always be around
To appreciate his long and tireless journey
For me
I won’t stop running and chasing my dreams
For he inspired me to do it
Passionately
Confessions I wrote on the day a friend was interviewed for his Palanca feat, had a front page story in a newspaper, visited his alma mater and had a tiring trip with his optimistic bf (hasta maňana Pete, America is a better place for your bitchiness hehe)…phoenix

time can tell

WheN

Why do you make me smile tonight?

Just because my fortune teller friend

Assured me of your warm presence

That you’ll lift up my miserable life

And your promises would be silently fulfilled

When tomorrow comes that brings hope

The future might be vague and unsure

But my heart predicts that friendship survives

Why do you make me hopeful tonight?

Just because I chat with you online today

Even for a few minutes your words were gentle

And I’m not desperately miserable waiting
for cryptic responses and contented with gestures

Signs that gave clues of where do we go from here

I realize that your “sign-offs” isn’t permanent adieu

But a reason to wait for a heart that open

One step at a time when fate draws the line

Why do you make me anticipate something about forever?

Just because I have the capacity to care unconditionally

And my poetic lines implies that words can rearrange stars

Maybe I’m learning to rest in your unspoken phrases

That paints falling stars in my canvass of reveries

And if you promise to meet me online again

I don’t need to pressure myself about losing you

I can read between the lines sentimentally

That something special is written in the sky

When we start to sign-in on time

Fortune tellers can only read the lines in your palm but doesn’t have the idea when will the heart decide to open up and let go… phoenix

alone... lonesome...

Sober


There’s a lot of madness inside me lately
The empty spaces occupied by loneliness
Seemed to be making my heart numb
Though my dreams began to get clearer
Still the clouded part of my longings
Keep telling me to hold back and wait
What am I waiting for anyway?
When the answer to my heart’s query
Seemed invisible and unreachable
Why am I waiting for the world to turn
its dark side to the brighter horizon?
When reality tells me to move on for good
And embrace the pathways of my childhood reveries
I always wish that I could bring you in my trek
To the better side of my life, dear Soulmate
But you seemed so distant and away from me
Lately I realize you always have a choice to make
To stay and find your happiness in my poetry
Or move on for good to open your heart
To the uncertainty of fidgety strangers
You met online in the midst of your search
For the piece of happiness you couldn’t find
In my distant embrace and affinity
Thank you for making me sober for now
Maybe the next day I won’t remember it anymore
…no more closing notes to tell (it makes me feel ill)…
Phoenix